i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
