no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
