I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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