The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
