I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
