i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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