Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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