Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
