I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
