my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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