i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
