Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
