So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
