I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
