I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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