I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize