I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
