oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
