Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
