I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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