New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
