She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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