glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
