just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
