she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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