Duck Duck Cougar?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
