It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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