I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
