hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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