She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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