I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
