Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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