My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
