I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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