my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Green mimosas i think yes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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