Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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