after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
