You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I deserve this hangover.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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