You just made me feel so damn special
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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