How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
being pregnant is like rehab
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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