help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
