I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
