Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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