He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
