I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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