he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
