dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
