everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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