Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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