Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
