I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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