i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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