So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
