i barfeds in our rink
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
