Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nutella sex= disaster
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
