first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
