Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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