its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
