I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
