I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
