1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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