I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
