we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize