Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
