she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
