How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
