this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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