piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
