They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
