how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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