my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
