pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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