ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
