You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize