finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
