sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize