I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
