dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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