life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
