yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
