Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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